If you live in any of the bases, you already know what happened. You probably got to see the blindingly fast fight since the video’s out by now. Well, this isn’t about what went on in our little sparring session. It’s about the pain I’ve caused so many people.
I haven’t had the best life. I think that much should be obvious to those that know me. I know of pain all too well… so when I was given a way out, some freedom from the cycle, I jumped right on the opportunity.
Judith’s training, though not to blame on its own, was my plan of escape. She taught me ways to remove myself from emotions, and from pain. I’ve been misusing the technique for my own personal gain. Its icy sensation became my drug, taking me far away from the problems in my life. I “injected” so often that I started to forget who I was… I guess it took the courage of one of my own to bring me back.
Maria, I have to thank you and apologize at the same time here. What you did was absolutely incredible. I’m also… very sorry… for what I did…
Please, don’t hold it against me. It wasn’t even the real “me” that caused you those injuries.
I never want to let that part of me out again. I never want to hurt anyone…
[...] The sparring. Well, Jake explained a bit of what happened in his blog note. From my perspective it looked like he was getting more and more distant and uncaring. I [...]